Well I think it’s safe to say that having a baby really does change everything, and yet some things dont seem to change at all.
For example, my sleep patterns from the month before Lentil was born give me just under 7 hours of sleep every night on average:
But in the month immediately after birth its down to 6 hours
So realistically, not a massive difference. At least, not on paper. Boy do I notice the difference, especially in the last week now that I have returned to work!
That was until the colic kicked in. Hour upon hour of non stop screaming. No matter how many feeds, cuddles, or nappy changes, nothing seemed to help.
“Will nothing sate this child of mine” I cried. It’s safe to say that after 4 hours of crying, with Buttercup and I tagging in and out every half hour or so, we were both struggling. Tears were shed.
The overwhelming feeling of inexplicable guilt had filled me up. My baby is crying and I can’t sooth her because I am a bad parent who is well out of his depth and doesn’t know what he is doing. Even though I knew straight away that I was wrong, I still felt there was a little truth in this. The reality is that babies get colic, and they cry endlessly for hours, and as stressful as that is it doesn’t mean anyone is a bad parent. As long as Lentils other needs are attended to, a bit of colicky crying is not a reflection on my abilities as a parent.
Tonight, however, I discovered that Lentil can be soothed by my singing, albeit temporarily. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, she often kicked in the womb while I sang, so it’s obvious she likes it. Admittedly I have a fairly short repertoire of songs I can sing well, but if she enjoys the selection, who am I to argue?
What can I say though. Lentil at one month. It’s been an amazing journey so far. What will she be like when she grows up? What bands will she like? How will she do her hair? What will he dream job be? Her favourite colour? Her favourite and least favourite foods? All of these things I get to spend the rest of my life finding out about, and I couldn’t feel more honoured.
My little Lentil. One month old.