It’s always interesting to see other peoples scars, and how they make me feel like I should have put more effort into self harm.
OK so you don’t know what they went through in comparison to yourself, what experiences they had, what help they may or may not have got, if they’ve stopped, or if they’re just hiding it more.
But it make you wonder.
What if I had cut more?
Or a little deeper?
Or more visibly?
What if I never stopped? Would I still be cutting now? Would I even be alive now?
I’ve always felt a strange sense of pride about my own scars, I’ve never wanted them to fade or disappear. Why should I? They show a story. Or at least they show that I have a story to tell.
But, I have a child now, what do I tell them when they inevitably ask questions. Ok. Shes only 14 months as I write this, but she’ll no doubt ask questions. I didn’t start self harming until I watched a TV program about it and thought “hey, there’s a neat idea”. I was so young, so impressionable, and it worked, so so well. Do I really want to be putting ideas, even inadvertently, in to someone else’s head?